either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
