brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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