winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
