How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So drunk its hurt
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
