You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
