sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
