You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
