we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do vagina's smell?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
this will be a night to untag.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
