dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
