I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
