Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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