So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
