Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
