Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
