Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
