First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
