Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
