I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
