wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so much tequila, so little girl.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
