Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
