I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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