Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
