Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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