I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Don't make out with my wife yet
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
