So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
smell my finger.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This baby is an asshole
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
