The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
