oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
