ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
