just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
