Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
