the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
