it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
