i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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