Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
