I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
