Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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