her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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