I hate your face
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
