today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
