I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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