Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
