Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
