Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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