my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
