you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
