I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Acid is not a monday night drug
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
