I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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