Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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