"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
