I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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