i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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