are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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