My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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