careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
