we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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