I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
