remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
