I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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