Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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