I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
