I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
